complainhere.com

Post-shower

2012-01-24T16:52:00.000+08:00

Happy chinese new year everyone.
Even in the midst of all your misery, there is always something to be thankful of.
and i think we need to remember that. i certainly need to remember that.

zoe.

Before sleep

2012-01-21T01:13:00.002+08:00

Chuck and Blair will forever be my favourite couple. Ugh, I'm getting so emotional over fictional characters. cuz i mean, who else am i supposed to get emotional over anyways !?

zoe.

Monday.

2012-01-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

I CANNOT AND I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS NONSENSE ANYMORE. ALL OF YOU COMING HOME AND JUST SCREAMING AT MY FACE AND SCOLDING ME FOR NOT DOING THIS AND THAT. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME REALLY. YOU EXPECT ME TO GET GOOD RESULTS BE A FREAKING MAID SOLVE MY OWN PROBLEMS. DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN !? I DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY AND ENERGY FOR ALL THIS SERIOUSLY. WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS SO DAMN PISSED OFF AT ME. SERIOUSLY AM I THAT HORRIBLE A PERSON ? IM SO TIRED OF ALL THIS. ALL YOUR PROBLEMS MADE MINE. NO ONE EVER GIVES ME ANY ATTENTION OR EVER PUTS IN ANY EFFORT TO HELP ME AT ALL. ITS LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE ALWAYS EXPECTED ME TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN. EVER SINCE I WAS A KID. I FELT LIKE... LIKE... I'M UNIMPORTANT. MAYBE THATS WHY I'M SUCH A LONER NOW. I HATE PEOPLE. I JUST PREFER BEING IN MY OWN SOLITUDE. PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK. I DON'T BLAME THEM ENTIRELY. I THINK I BLAME YOU, AND YOU. FOR KILLING MY HOPES. FOR SHATTERING MY DREAMS. FOR MAKING ANY FORM OF HOPES AND DREAMS JUST NON-EXISTENT FOR ME. WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME !? WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO HELP ME. I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN. YES I AM 19 BUT I CANNOT FREAKING DO EVERYTHING FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

i don't wana ask you for anything. i never like to ask you for anything. infact, i've stopped asking you for things unless theyre completely necessary. i don't simply splurge. even if i do, i save my own money. i don't buy anything i want. i don't ask you to buy me anything i want. cuz last time, everytime i do, you'd just say no anyways. so all that rejection. yeah. its freaking scarred me. i hope you feel a sense of achievement that i'm this miserable. i hate myself for being miserable. it annoys the shit outta me. i hate crying my eyes out like this. I HAVE FREAKING HOMEWORK TO DO. bullshit lah. seriously. adults are just bullshit lah. do you people even realise what are the stuff you say ah? cuz seriously. nothing makes sense lah. never did never does.

zoe.

Loco Business

2012-01-10T23:17:00.001+08:00

I am pretty sure I have some psychological issue. Or maybe that time of the month is just coming. But I'm almost always like this and I've grown weary of human contact. I'm so lazy to interact I really just rather be alone in my room. Or maybe just hanging out with a few friends. But I'm really not into socialising anymore. I couldn't be bothered about making new friends cuz really I feel everyone is just, horrible. Myself included. but everyone else, you're just horrible. horrible.

i'm kidding. everyone isn't horrible. haha

It's 2012, it's a new year. I feel as though I want to apologize to a few people whether or not they deserve it or whether or not its necessary. I just hate having these.... these... kinda relationships with people. Which circles mainly around hate. I don't like it. It's so unsettling and it eats me up and consumes my thoughts too much. But I don't know if I should apologize? Should I apologize? I should. For my own sake.

Haih, picking an undergraduate course is too difficult. Too too difficult. What do I want to do? I wana be a politician, fix Malaysia and all its bullshit. Be the Prime Minister and set the country in the right track. But really, do I have the effort and will to do that ? You may laugh at my "dream" but really, I've been talking about it for eons. Or maybe I wana do something less serious. And pursue creative writing ? I really love writing. Or maybe I wana study business and then.... I don't know do what with my life.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE OH DEAR LORD JUST PLEASE, GIVE ME A SIGN POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND OUT OF THIS DARKNESS PLEASE OPEN MY EYES AND LET ME SEE WHAT MY POTENTIAL IS HELP ME FIND MY PASSION WHO IM MEANT TO BE. THIS IS ALL A BIG CONFUSION BUBBLE AND MY PARENTS ARENT MUCH HELP I AM GOING CRAZY PLEASE GOD JUST PUHLEASE. I KNOW YOU SEE ME TYPING THIS YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY !

actually You can. i can't physically hunt You down and demand an answer but yeah.

zoe.

Do titles even matter ?

2012-01-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

I just got irritated with the new dynamic design. hahahaha.
I don't even know how to login from there.
gotta go blogger.com la what la.
pft. no need~

and ive been handling my money real badly lately.
:(
overspending. no no no good.

zoe.

Jibber Jabber

2011-12-31T00:40:00.001+08:00

Was gonna do a whole reflection post on 2011 and then decide how I felt bout 2011. But no one cares. and no one reads anyways :' ) hahaaaa. So i just won't do anything. Maybe I'll complain bout how mean 2011 has been to me but also how I've (felt that I've) matured through all the bullsh-- I was put through. Oh people. I just look at everyone and I don't know what to think anymore. I think I've become feelingless. I stopped having wants. Even if I do, they don't last really long. I don't have hopes and dreams. Maybe I do. I feel like im in a blurr, a limbo. I feel like I'm lost. Am I lost? I think I need to find my soul and put more meaning to life. I feel as though, I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore if someone loves me, I don't care if someone hates me. Its a good and bad thing.

oh gosh. i feel.... troubled. maybe i should look back on 2011. for my sake. i think life is becoming too in depth for me to grasp. maybe im drowning with all the things in life. oh my gosh.

the other day i had a dream rob kardashian was shot with a tonne of huge ass grenades and they all just gathered in his body and i could see it. and it didn't explode and it looks so disgusting its horrible. i mean, what the hell kinda dream is that.

and the other day. i dreamt i got back together with my ex. like. what the hell is up with that.

okay enough. bye.

zoe.

High for this

2011-12-20T23:35:00.001+08:00

Been reflecting on 2011 randomly. Can't decide how I feel about it yet. Most of the times it feels really horrible. But I'm still trying to look at things on a brighter note and there is still bout 9/10 days left of 2011. I'll give it a chance.

zoe.

3 cheers to letdown

2011-12-14T17:30:00.004+08:00

Oh My God look who got a face lift!
(i'm obviously talking about my blog. not myself ok)

So, what has been happening in my life? If you're interested to know, or if you aren't, I'm still gonna type it out. I feel like I'm just talking to myself here anyways. Life has definitely been a roller coaster lately. I felt on a high and on a low constantly. I think that's what the internet does to you, you know. It gives you a personality disorder because I feel everyone on the internet feels somewhat superior and awesome but at the same time, like a fat shunned leper. Its baffling. Last weekend was a good one. Despite my mood swings, it was a good one. I spent the entire weekend with my extended family. My cousin brother got married. So it was food and lunches and exquisite dinners all throughout Friday, Saturday & Sunday. Oh ! Had dinner with a few close friends on Sunday for my post birthday. I was supposed to go to London on the 13th of December but thanks to my aunty ratting in on my business and causing a big hoo-haa my plan got cancelled. It was actually a birthday present from my mother to me. No matter, my parents never give me birthday presents anymore. What-evs. I have received quite a number of presents from my friends + family tho. Most of which are food. haha. But I also received a lovely peacock ring & a charm bracelet :) So despite my bitterness at my London trip being cancelled, I enjoyed last weekend. Now I just need to find a replacement venue to go for a holiday. My heart's leaning towards Singapore and I just can't imagine not going there this year. A visit to Singapore is mandatory !

zoe.

7th of Dec

2011-12-07T17:51:00.000+08:00

And here's my happy post.
As I said :' )
I still can't believe it. Because I was and am very sure I screwed up my globalisation paper. I mean. The last 2 30mark essays... I barely even wrote anything.
And a 91 for English? Ohmygosh... I haven't seen that in a long time. Was so worried for my argumentative essay. And maths. A high distinction too? I just wana lie down on the cold marble floor and just smile up to the heavens thinking about my results.
I was so worried I didn't study enough. I mean, the night before the exams I didn't even study. I was busy on facebook and whatnot as usual. OH and going out for wedding dinners, deepavali open houses and not forgetting all the sulking I did. All the stress that I went through. For the first time ever I got a pimple DUE to stress FROM STUDYING. ME. STUDYING UNTIL STRESS.
Keep it up dear self.

:)

zoe.

2011-11-30T21:47:00.005+08:00

always on the freaking losing end. when will the grass be greener on my side and not dry up. WHEN.

i dream of paradise.

i will update my blog with a happy post soon. i will. i hope so. no no. i will. i will. will.

zoe.

boom

2011-11-11T00:43:00.000+08:00

All blog posts have a somewhat depressing tone.
I feel like I should change that.
But who am I to change that?
I won't change that.
We can all be depressed together
interconnected by our state of depression through the web via this ordinary thing called Blogspot.
youuuu are not aloneeee~

zoe.

Oh liberaté, mi amor

2011-11-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

lets get drunk get crunk
blaze up, get stoned
eat some shrooms, see some green fairies
forget the world, forget our troubles
stay up all night, get lost to some vintage tunes
smile under the stars, and tear up at the beauty of the sunrise
forget the world, forget our troubles.

zoe.

2011-10-31T17:06:00.004+08:00

like a dream come alive, incredible.

zoe.

Something at the top of my head

2011-10-18T21:40:00.001+08:00

when someone advises you on something, and you disagree,
don't hate them or get pissed off for them for thinking in that way.
i mean, they're merely advising you for your own sake.
just accept it without a fight.
but whether or not you follow that advise is different.
it's alright it don't want to. nobody's gonna kill you.

but sometimes, i feel like its worthless giving free advise to stubborn people who just cannot listen to the opinions of another person.
i mean, people pay hundred(s) by the hour to go see a psychiatrist for advise and here we are, giving another person free advise and they're just too damned arrogant to even listen.
why should i waste my breath and saliva on something worthless?

i just feel some people need to come back down to earth, get a reality check and stop being so bloody ignorant.
you are not perfect. shut up. you act like you know you're not perfect AND YET when someone advises you, points out your flaws & gives you constructive criticism on ways to improving yourself, its suddenly like you think you're perfect and the person advising you is just 'jealous' of you.
oh please, spare me.
not everyone is jealous of you okay? whats so great about you anyways.
get a grip.

zoe.

Why you stop my party

2011-10-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

I've gained 3 kilos since I started college.

So why is college good again?

On holiday I stay home, I eat chocolate at 3 in the morning,

sleep like a pig

and I lose 5 kilos.

zoe.

Home alone Saturday

2011-09-24T16:14:00.007+08:00

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

mm poetry, you bring life to my disconsolate soul.

zoe.

Endeavouring

2011-09-16T16:38:00.002+08:00

Forgiving someone even though you see no purpose in forgiving them because after all, it is their fault. They did something to hurt you in some way. But all that doesn't matter, just forgive them/him/her cuz there really is no point in hating and keeping grudges. I don't know why people can't see that. It'll make the world a happier prettier place.

What am I crapping about.

I will forever hate you and if you ever cross my path, I would have to try my hardest to not scratch your eyes out of your eye sockets. I'd have to try my hardest to resist stabbing you right in the back, right in the chest, right where your heart is. I'd have to try my hardest to resist tearing your body apart.

Hahaha ok I'm kidding.

But I was serious about forgiving someone even if they had hurt you. It really does wonders to your soul :)

Good day!

zoe.

Louis & Keely

2011-09-10T02:30:00.003+08:00

Do what you want. Just make sure no one gets hurt along the way, please.

The degree of a person's self-centeredness sometimes still never fails to amaze me.

The immaturity level that is basically, ground low is just, unbelievable.

Something is still bothering me after all this time.

I just can't put my fingers to it.

Maybe I need to do a 'lil investigation on my thoughts.

zoe.

2011-08-28T17:22:00.001+08:00

But what if they don't want to stay ?

zoe.

And yet another Goodbye

2011-08-22T21:28:00.001+08:00

If someone doesn't think you're worth their time; worth taking the effort to build a friendship or whatever kind of relationship with you then it simply means that they aren't worth your time and efforts too.

And since that is how you want to treat me, with false words then I shall just disregard you as a friend completely.

I feel no loss at all.

And if my actions make me a bad person just remember, I wasn't the one who wasn't trying. You reap what you sow. So this is you, reaping what you sow. I don't think we can ever possibly be friends anymore. Ever. Even after 20 years and we suddenly bump into each other. Hmm, I don't know if I'd even give you a simple Smile & Hi.

Now there are 2 people I can't be friends with anymore and ever basically. Both of which have hurt me in different ways though it may not be on a large scale but, even the smallest cut is capable of leaving a scar.

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

zoe.

For all we know

2011-08-15T21:01:00.000+08:00

Which probably explains all these violent dreams I have of people killing me, me killing people, me punching someone right in the face. oh that felt so good in the dream, though it wasn't a really good punch. I wish I'd had thrown a better hit.

I have good dreams too okay. Maybe not. I have weird dreams. All sorts of things which make little to no sense at all. But they're dreams, they're not supposed to make sense. Because if they do, they wouldn't be considered dreams. hehe. Nothing makes sense in life if you ponder on it long enough :- )

zoe.

3am thoughts

2011-08-13T03:11:00.000+08:00

you should know, crying is healthy. but not on a daily basis. no. that just means you're unhealthy. but crying every now and then. maybe once a month is healthy. yes. it keeps you emotionally healthy. i feel relieved all the time after i cry. i don't know why. i tend to be crying without reason nowadays. i guess it's cuz i don't really have anything that could break my heart to break down the dam that is witholding my tears but..i lost my train of thoughts. oh, which leads to my reasonless crying. well, not crying. more like tearing. yeah. so now i resort to sad movies to crying. i don't know whats the purpose of this post.

zoe.

Ramblings

2011-08-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

Life is hard.
But you already knew that.
Doesn't mean you can't make some fun out of the difficulty and challenges life throws at you.
Don't give up on life. Seriously.
There's always hope. Always.
Maybe?
But all your problems in life are ovecomeable.
YES THEY ARE. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.

zoe.

I thought it was You and I

2011-08-06T03:00:00.001+08:00

simple.

zoe.

24 hours

2011-08-02T23:22:00.004+08:00

she received a call from her bestfriend.
"stay over my house tonight, no one would be around."
she packed her bags, and left. without really even informing her parents. unafraid that her mother might go crazy. unafraid that her dad might yell at her over the phone. what did those things mean to her anyways? it was such a usual scenario. how would that be a shock to her if that were to happen.
she didn't care. she wasn't afraid. not anymore.
her bestfriend and her bestfriend's boyfriend arrived to steal her away for the next 24hours.
they grabbed a bite. some pizza. good company and pizza. such bliss. not mentioning all the discounts they had from coupons and whatnot.
the bestfriend's boyfriend dropped the 2 girls back home.
that's where the party started.
2 girls in a house alone. the rest of the adults were asleep or have gone out. no one would be home till a long time.
they decided to play cards. dealt the cards.
they decided to make the night more interesting.
"lets drink. beer, whiskey, anything. lets get drunk. i've never gotten drunk before."
first up they found her grandfather's stash of blue label.
poured themselves a glass. on the rocks.
gulped it down. it tasted horrid.
said to each other "how can people drink this excessively? it tastes disgusting."
she forced it down her throat anyways. the taste made her body tingle. it was minty. her throat was on fire.
they played more card games.
after the whiskey, they opted for beer. got 4 cans out the refrigerator along with lemonade and pineapple juice to fuse with the beer. they decided to make the card game more interesting. "whoever loses, has to bottoms up."
it was on baby. she kept winning. poor bestfriend, she drank to the nines. they drank, one can, two cans, three cans, four cans. all in 30 minutes. it was insanity. they wanted to get a fifth.
tried to get up off the floor.
couldn't. they were already so intoxicated. especially because of the whiskey. "i drank 43% of alcohol okay. disgusting alcohol. you left me to finish it alone! of course i'm more drunk."
she tried to stand up. empty juice box in hand she wanted to dispose of. she couldn't. she fell to the floor. her bestfriend laughing at her. her bestfriend trying to open the door, she couldn't. they both couldn't stop giggling. her bestfriend dropped the room key. they giggled. she tried to stand up. she couldn't. they giggled some more. that situation repeated itself for a solid 3 minutes. they made it out of the room, finally.
"how many more cans should i take? 1 or 2?"
"just 1. i can't drink anymore. my head is pounding and my whole body is read."
"i'll take 2. come on. 2 okay?"
"shit. my stomach hurts. i need to go to the toilet."
she goes to the toilet.
"shit i need to puke."
she pukes. and pukes. and pukes.
"are you okay?"
"no. oh my gosh this is disgusting."
she pukes.
"shit. i need to leave before i start puking too."
she pukes even more.
"i'll get you some water."
she finally stops. gargles her mouth, and drink the water.
they go back to the room.
"i need to pass out. shit."
"don't leave me alone now. don't fall asleep on me! oh come on. lets play another round of speed."
she doesn't want to. her stomach hurts and her brain is slowing down. speed is a game of speed obviously, as its name clearly states.
her bestfriend succeeds in convincing her to a few more rounds.
"i'm hungry. lets eat."
they make a meal, watch some television and finally sleep. sleep for a good 11 hours.
what a crazy night. but that wasn't the end to their crazy adventure.
"what do you want to do today?"
"i want to drink some coffee. lets get some starbucks."
they walk over to the nearest mall, get some grub. some coffee. played more cards. just when they decided to go back, she had another crazy idea.
"we should shisha. its been a while."
they shishaed. more cards. they were lightheaded.
laughing. dizzy. worry-free.
ate some more, played more cards, smoked more shisha.
"this shisha tastes horrible."
"but it smells good."
they smoke the evening away.
at that moment she realised her other friends didn't matter like this bestfriend of her.
her other friends, could they even be considered friends? they barely even make the effort to keep in touch with her. barely make an effort to hang out. they weren't important. this friendship she had with her bestfriend, she knew she wanted to maintain it. she knew she wanted this friendship to last. she knew she didn't need a boyfriend at that time. if she had a boyfriend, she wouldn't have had this much fun with her bestfriend. who needs boys when you have a great bestfriend.
at that moment, it was them against the world.
and she felt like they were going to win the world. the world held no threat against them.
nothing.

31st of July - supposedly to a new beginning

2011-07-31T14:46:00.000+08:00

If plans hadn't change, i would've gone to sleep and woke up in a different land leaving behind everything I know. My mother would be proud of me. My parents wouldn't be in this argument. This silence between them making my heart feel heavy because I know that them being in this situation was my fault. If plans hadn't had changed, I'd be leaving them behind. I'd be alone, starting anew, something I needed. Something I longed for. I'd be leaving behind everything I know. I wanted to so desperately leave. There is nothing left for me here and my patriotism is definitely not what's keeping me from leaving. Money is. I believe money makes lives difficult. Money is the source of all evil. The catalyst to enhance people do to evil crimes. The root of where evil begins and changes a person's character. The reason why people steal, fight & kill. The reason why dreams get crushed, people die of starvation and die of poverty. My dream is to go to America. And one day I will get there. If money was no issue, plans wouldn't have changed and I would've woken up to a dream instead of from one.

zoe.

Okay

2011-07-26T14:59:00.004+08:00

Staring into to those eyes and just pausing for a moment.
who cares if your eyes aren't blue-green like the caribbean ocean?
who cares if they aren't brown and didn't glisten when i stared into them ?
who cares if they're just black. plain black.
the thing is, they were staring right back into mine.
your eyes are the windows to your soul.
i was afraid my eyes were giving away too much.
i chuckled and looked away.

zoe.

2011-07-23T16:57:00.003+08:00

Oh,
hello you.

Nothing feels right here

2011-07-22T01:48:00.002+08:00

Watched Marley & Me for the second/third time?
cried like it was my own dog that was dying.
seriously.
i dont know why i cried so bad.
i don't know if i was crying and feeling sad for other reasons or was it solely because of the movie?
because at one point
i was just...
i cried real bad lah okay?
whatever the reason(s) was/were.
i cried real, real, bad.
i dont even have a dog so i can't even relate to that movie.
but, imdb didn't rate Marley & Me 9/10 stars for fun.

zoe.

Durian

2011-07-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

Had a fun time at sunway pyramid with David & Benson today.
even though it took me 1 hour and 20 mins to drive from shah alam to klang to sunway.
even though i had a rough time looking for parking. seriously! it's a friday afternoon?
don't you people have work or college or something?
had banana chocolate chip muffin from starbucks! ooh nyum nyum it's been a year since i last had one.

and the magic 8 ball says i'm fat.
boo to that.

zoe.

2011-07-13T21:53:00.003+08:00

today is one of those days where i just hate everyone and i'm sulking like a little kid.
and you won't speak to me.
crap.

zoe.

Cheating

2011-07-12T14:11:00.000+08:00

zoe.

SPREADING LOVE N FABULOSITY.

2011-07-12T02:23:00.002+08:00

OK I AM GOING TO STOP BEING YOUR FRIEND OK

I WILL STOP TALKING TO YOU STOP DEPENDING ON YOU

I WILL DO IT

BECAUSE ARGHH THIS IS GETTING TOO DIFFICULT

WHEN IT IS NOTHING TO EVEN BEGIN WITH IN THE FIRST PLACE

WHATEVER.

IT'S GONNA BE DIFFICULT

AND CHALLENGING BUT

ARRRGGGHH CHALLENGE ACCEPTED !!!!!
ps:// i expect you to take it personally.

update : it's not working out like how i planned it. damn being a girl! ughhh.

zoe.

Persistency

2011-07-11T00:21:00.005+08:00

You don't always get what you want when you want.
But I do get what I want.
Eventually.
So, I always win.
Eventually.

I will get what I want. I will. I will. I will. I will get what I want.

Maybe this time I won't.(?)

zoe.

Racism

2011-07-10T00:54:00.006+08:00

I feel that the current leaders of Malaysia have really forgotten the value and significance of the Independence that we've gained.
I feel that the current leaders of Malaysia have forgotten how the country attained its Independence. How our past leaders led the nation into gaining Independence. Being free from being reigned by the British.
I feel that the current leaders need to be reminded of what the British did to this country while being under their authority.
They divided the races so there was no unity hence Independence could not be achieved.
The Malays, Indians and Chinese were all being placed to work in different sectors to creation a division.
However, our past leaders showed the British that all 3 races can work together and live together in harmony without being baby-sitted by the British.
Hence, gaining our Independence. Working together.
1 Malaysia.
However now, as the years go by and as the country progresses and develops I feel that everyone, myself included has really disregarded how important Independence is.
How many soldiers and many men have shed their blood in war to prove a point just so we can live how we are living now.
An Independent country.
It's sad to see that racism exists. I thought the beauty and specialty of Malaysia that we could all live and embrace different races and cultures and live in 1 country not tolerate different races and cultures.
It's sad to see how racist the government actually is. Even though the Malays are the main population of the country, it does mean that they should deserve special treatment.
What about the other Indians and Chinese people who work in this country, serve in this country.
If only the Malays deserve special treatment then, shouldn't the Malays only be called to serve in Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (National Service) ?
Shouldn't policemen and soldiers only consist of Malays since it's their country and they're bumiputras and the Chinese and Indian people are just, immigrants of this country ?
I feel that the racism among the rakyat of Malaysia is caused by the government.
You should not blame the Chinese and Indians for having a grudge on the Malays because they get a lot of perks being bumiputras.
Honestly, if the government did not come up with such policy, such feelings would not have existed. No?
I honestly do not even understand why racism exists. To me, it is just some irrelevant problem created by man for no good reason.
I mean why!? It just puzzles me. It is childish and ridiculous. People are people no matter what colour you are what religion you choose to believe in what culture or tradition you decide to practice. At the end of the day, people are people and we were all born the same way. Racism is irrelevant. I repeat, racism is irrelevant.
Please, all you politicians are educated. Don't you have other problems to worry about like pollution or the lack of oil or something !? Seriously, do you people have that little problem that you just have to create drama called RACISM ?
Please, if you are not mature enough to run the country, step down and let someone else do it.
Racism is only going to tear the country apart. You preach 1 Malaysia but you don't practice. Sejarah is thought in schools with the purpose of what? Reminding students about how people have suffered in the past due to their lack of intelligence and knowledge and reminding students about how our country was once living under the cruel authorities of the British and how many men, women, children have suffered from those dark days.
I think the leaders of the country need a Sejarah lesson too.

zoe.

Poison Paradise

2011-07-05T19:54:00.004+08:00

Maybe I'm possessive.
Cuz I've had too many things taken away from me before.
So, forgive me if I appear too clingy at times.
Understand where I'm coming from here.

zoe.

In Cold Blood, Capote pg 189

2011-07-04T00:24:00.001+08:00

One could understand Fern and forgive her, but Jimmy was a different matter. Mrs Johnson was looking at a picture of him in which he was dressed as a sailor; during the war which he had served in the Navy. Slender, a pale young seafarer with an elongated face of slightly dour saintliness, he stood with an arm around the waist of the girl he had married and, in Mrs Johnson's estimation, ought not to have, for they had nothing in common-- the serious Jimmy and his teenage San Diego fleet-follower whose glass beads reflected a now long-faded sun. And yet what Jimmy had felt for her was beyond normal love; it was passion-- a passion that was in part pathological. As for the girl, she must have loved him, and loved him completely or she would not have done as she did. If only Jimmy had believed that! Or been capable of believing it. But jealousy imprisoned him. He was mortified by thoughts of the men she had slept with before their marriage; he was convinced, morever, that, she remained promiscuous-- that every time he went to sea, or even left her alone for the day, she betrayed him with a multitude of lovers, whose existence he unendingly demanded that she admit. Then she aimed a shotgun at a point between her eyes and pressed the trigger with her toe. When Jimmy found her, he didn't call the police. He picked her up and put her on the bed and lay down beside her. Some time around dawn of the next day, he reloaded the gun and killed himself.

zoe.

In Cold Blood, Capote pg 147

2011-07-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

From what I personally know, you have lived your life exactly as you please without regard to circumstances or persons who loved you-- who might be hurt. Whether you realize it or not-- your present confinement is embarrassing to me as well as dad-- not because of what you did but the fact that you don't show me any signs of sincere regret and seem to show no respect for any laws, people or anything. Your letter implies that the blame of all your problems is that of someone else, but never you.

zoe.

I hate Facebook

2011-07-01T02:10:00.001+08:00

I think all this emoness is just unnecessary
and made up.
Really.
The problem isn't even there, the mind is just making it up.
What even.
Please, there are more thoughts worth thinking.

"if you ever tell anyone what had happened, i will cut your heart out"
"you already did"

zoe.

2011-06-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

Don't get attached.
Because detaching is the hardest of them all.

zoe.

Beyond confuzzled

2011-06-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

So.
Who even decided that tertiary education was important?
I mean. WHO DECIDED THAT WITHOUT A DEGREE IN SOMETHING, YOU AREN'T WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE HIRED IN A SLIGHTLY MORE ADVANCED POSITION OR WHATEVER.
It's freaking ridiculous.
And its even more ridiculous to be choosing what I want to do for the rest of my life at 18. or 17. Or in my teenage years la ok.
I mean. How am I supposed to know what kinda jobs are out there. What I like. What am I good at? What can I do which can ensure I can make a living for myself. A well-paid job.
SOMETHING.
I don't know.
Why can't I just be an airstewardess for 10 years, a radio DJ for another 10 years, a manicurist for another 10 years? By then I'll be umm, 48.
Then by that time, I'm hoping to be married to a richman, rich enough to be surviving off one pay cheque. Then I'll be a stay at home mum. Or continue being a manicurist.
Whatever.
Why is tertiary education so important anyways.
Basically the world is telling me, if you don't have a degree in something you can't go far.
Even if you do, it's gonna be tough. WELL, EVEN WITH A DEGREE IT'S TOUGH TO GO FAR RIGHT? you know what.
I don't know. I'm a kid. What do I want to continue studying? Do I even want to continue studying? Well, I guess that's undebatable cuz well, "If I don't study I can't go far in life"
You know, seeing how progressed the world is and how people's minds have changed and how people are so relaxed about culture and tradition, something which wasn't of utmost importance surely has became very important. I mean, last time people didn't get the chance to study abroad. People couldn't afford tertiary education but still, they made it in life. Successful businessmen.
SO WHY CAN'T THAT BE THE SAME NOW !? JUST CUZ THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO FURTHER OUR STUDIES, IT HAS BECAME A NECESSITY ?
SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T EVEN FINISH HIGH SCHOOL.
heck. some didn't even finish primary school.
I'm just saying all these decisions lying in front of me, all these decisions and choices i have to make right now is just absurdity.
I can't decide now what I want to do, forever. I mean. That's insane.
Well, you people whom have dreams of becoming architects or actresses or singers or dentists or doctors are just plain lucky. You have a dream.
I have no dream.
I only have fantasies.
Fantasies which apparently aren't serious enough for the world. (which feels like a paradox cuz I think the world is losing its seriousness. I feel all the seriousness is just false pretense.)
Some undecided kids are lucky enough to change their study courses numerous times. Your parents can afford it.
But mine can't.
So it's either I study this or I study that.
There is no such I study this now and if along the way I don't like it, I could just study that.
No.
Of all the luxuries I have, that one I do not.
God help me.

btw, this is a rant. you're not supposed to fully understand everything here. its just bursts of frustrations all at once. hence the mess i've typed.

zoe.

Espiazone

2011-06-26T23:40:00.000+08:00

You make my heart ache like a migraine.

I hate migraines.

Do the math.

zoe.

Boys.

2011-06-25T00:19:00.005+08:00

Boys boys boys.
Oh how we (by we i mean girls in general) just love you and keep going back to you even after all the bullsh you put us through.
Make us fall for you.
Make us feel like we're the only girl in the world that matters.
Make us feel on top of the world.
Make us feel loved, needed, wanted.
Make us feel important.
And suddenly,
Make us feel so broken, broken into so many pieces.
Make us feel so hurt,
so worthless, so shitty.
Court us, ask us to be your girlfriend
make us feel on top of the world and the next like we belong in the pits of hell.
We want to leave you after all the bullsh you put us through because we realise that we're not worth this.
We don't deserve to be treated like shit, to be taken advantage of.
And then you suddenly give us a reason to say.
All your sweet words that you know will just always work on us.
Make our hearts melt and fall in love with you all over again.
So we stay, we give you a chance. Because we love you.
But then the same bullsh just happens over and over and over again.
Oh how you love us how you hate us
How you have us on your damn hook.
What do you want from us ?
It's not cool how you play with a girl's feelings like that.
Tell her she means something to you today and the next, pretend like nothing ever happened.
If you wana just 'play' please, go play some cards or something.
Feelings aren't toys.
Girl's aren't toys either.

zoe.

Just me & you

2011-06-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

My thoughts on first listening to this song.
Well, I first heard it on MTV which obviously meant I watched the music video too.
Well, I WAS CONFUSED AS I LISTENED AND WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO TO THIS SONG.
I WAS LIKE.
IS THAT A MAN?
WOMAN?
HE SOUNDS LIKE A WOMAN.
BUT SHE GOT NO BOOBS.
so she has to be a man right?
BUT HE SOUNDS SO WOMANLY.
and look at his hair!?
ITS FREAKISHLY LONG.
AND HE'S WEARING CRAZY EYELINER.
but he sounds like a woman.
he has to be a woman.
okay he's a man.

i sometimes like to pretend i'm living in the victorian days and just randomly call anyone i'm talking to at that moment darling or luv or dear or dear child or. haha. englishy names.

zoe.

B-O-O-T-Y

2011-06-23T17:16:00.002+08:00

Whenever parting with someone, I like to say
"Bye, see you soon!"
not just
"Goodbye."
Cuz well, I dont like the idea of not meeting up again you know?
So, see you soon means
I WANT TO SEE YOU SOON!
and I liked meeting up with you.
So yeah.
Don't give me a "haha, see you soon" like soon ain't gon' happen.
BRO.
IMMA MAKE IT HAPPEN.

and oh, i've got Wordpress now. But not like it matters. It's private anyways :B
but umm, you know, ask & you shall receive.
if you're lucky ;)

zoe.

Happy as a Happy Meal

2011-06-22T18:38:00.005+08:00

Your opinion of me,
DOESN'T DEFINE WHO I AM.

So I'm just gonna live life as it is.
Stay as I am.
Until I see a proper need to change something about me.

It's wednesday dolls, I'm in love.

zoe.

2011-06-20T02:50:00.002+08:00

You gotta know your heart's desires before you can satisfy someone else's.

zoe.

Ghetto

2011-06-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

Currently, I'm trying to rap to this song.
cuz well. i've got nothing better to do really.
And i've started doing crossword puzzles again.
takes me 2 hours to solve one.
I think sometimes i purposely piss myself off
and make myself sad by overthinking situations.
Exaggerated & dramatisized.
Well, that's Zoe for you right there.
damn straight!
swag.

zoe.

2011-06-15T22:59:00.000+08:00

When I stumble upon a blog, the only thing that keeps me there are either the pictures
or the writing.
sometimes both.
And then I get envious of how some people just have a strong command in English.
And then I feel sad.
Cuz I can't write like that.
Express myself with words like that.
And then I feel sadder that,
I haven't finished reading not one book all year.
I've started on Truman Capote's In Cold Blood and I'm not even halfway through.
Books just aren't as appealing to me as they were before.
I used to be able to finish Breaking Dawn in like, a week?
And I can't even finish Capote's in 6 months.
What have I become?

zoe.

Frozen grapes

2011-06-15T01:49:00.000+08:00

I just need some substance.

Something permanent.

Something meaningful.

With depth.

Without the stress.

Why is that so hard to acquire ?

zoe.

everything becomes a doozy.

2011-06-13T02:54:00.004+08:00

when Reality seems like a Dream.

zoe.

Chink

2011-06-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

So um.
Malay lady made sort of racist statement at kids beyblade competition just now.
pretty embarrassing for her actually.
"here here. choose this boy. everytime choose chinese only never choose malay."
well woman, i can play that card too if you want.
study scholarships 98% of them goes to malays, no?
even though there is like some chinese or indian or sikh dude whom will get like 12A+ but the malay fella with 8A's will get the scholarship.
Education discount all give malays only. any other race other than malay got any education discount or not?
takda kan. kita orang cina orang india mau masuk Taylor's uni don't have special price right? ok.
Buy house buy car. Got special price for you all right?
Some cheaper loan or. 30% discount for the house/car or something like that.
Orang cina orang india ada takda?
Takda kan. ok.
So ni, kalau anak you, orang melayu whom is standing in an ocean of orang cinas and dont get picked,
jangan la tension and what make such remarks la ok.
Everyone there was chinese so the ratio of malays to nonmalays was like. 1:50 ok.
And then bagi anak kau chance nak jawab soalan pun jawab salah.
Memalukan diri sendiri je.
Why you do that to yourself la ha?

zoe.

Sandboxed

2011-06-09T19:17:00.000+08:00

I remember listening to this song one night
and just, crying bucket load of tears.
I just cried and cried and cried.
And at that moment I was so grateful for what I had.
I don't think it was a good night.
I had a cross with someone that night.
So yeah. I was just crying in my room.
Bucket load of tears.
Kept replaying the song, and the tears kept flowing.

Looking back at the incident now, I don't know what to feel.

zoe.

My dear

2011-06-07T20:43:00.002+08:00

Don't make a decision based on fear.
You never know what you might just miss out on.
Take a chance
& hope for the best.

zoe.

2011-06-05T20:48:00.001+08:00

Before I start blogging I just have to say, KEVJUMBA IS SO ADORABLE I JUST CANNOT COMPREHEND. omgosh.

So. It's been quite a while since I've blogged. Mainly cuz I've been lazy not that I've nothing to blog about.

Alright so lets recap whats been happening since the 20th of May. Well, I am still not working. And I'm still doing nothing at home. Almost everyday. And I like it.

I still have not gotten my university acceptance letter.

I got a macbook pro ! :)

And umm.

Whatever la. Tak penting also.

Kevjumba is just so kiuts and thats all that matters.

zoe.

2011-05-30T18:10:00.001+08:00

i was just bout to blog.
but my dad is annoying me.
bye.

Got it, savvy?

2011-05-20T17:47:00.002+08:00

Watched Pirates of The Caribbean : On Stranger Tides yesterday.

it. was. so. good.

Can I just credit Capt. Jack Sparrow for his never-ending awesomity.

And the writers who give Capt. Jack the best lines to say like, ever?

So much geniusness is that whole movie.

Sat through 2hoursand20minutes and not one moment did I feel like it was a drag nor, the movie should come to an end soon.

It was good.

I'm getting bored out of my mind sittin' home.

I think I need another job.

My mama wants to get me a macbook pro.

Yes I know, I'm so undeserving.

Thats why I feel like I should at least pay for it.

Even if it hurts me :( or its in the littlest amount.

So yeah.

zoe.

Don't forget me, I beg

2011-05-18T11:58:00.002+08:00

Hey ya'll. so it's wednesday wednesday not gittin' down on wednesday.

however, i did get down on tuesday! with kelly, pams, david and miss su ann :)

hehe. sorta "surprise" bday dinner for david.

yeah. kelly and i totally disregarded the fact that it was his birthday yesterday ON PURPOSE :D

haha but we made it up to him with the dinner and crepe cake. hahah

btw, i love this song by amy winehouse. I remember i used to replay it the whole day long.

Santana just sang it on Glee which just triggered the umm. "i'm gonna replay this song the whole day" feeling. haha. okbye :)

zoe.

I'm not actually supposed to be here

2011-05-17T14:38:00.004+08:00

So whuddup everyone?

So anyways, i met up with John and his buddy last night, who's leaving to kampar this sat so, decided to meet up for a last time haha so yeah.

went okay. had quite abit to eat.

played counter strike & left 4 dead 2 after dinner.

had tutti frutti after cc session.

had a good laugh at tutti frutti.

John was like "what the!? who puts gummie bears and freaking chocolate chips in a frozen yogurt!?" "AND MARSHMALLOWS. UGHH"

yeah, he was totally going all drama queen and was totally h8in on the gummies & chocolate chips & marshmallows. oh well. haha :B

it's my little brother's birthday today! haha turned 11 today. still like a little baby though.

mama's boy la that one. pfft.

looking forward to tonight! heheh

zoe.

2011-05-14T21:51:00.001+08:00

This song is just lovely :' )

I wish nothing but the best for you too,

don't forget me I beg, i remember you said,

sometimes it lasts in love,

but sometimes it hurts instead.

zoe.

I need a doctor

2011-05-06T03:22:00.000+08:00

I hate when the feeling of nostalgia just overflows in me.
I hate it.
Especially when it's about nothing good.
I don't want to remember.
I want to forget.
Just leave my thoughts alone.
Fleet.
I'd like to be sane sometimes, please.
I don't want to die over and over again in my head and in my sleep.
I need to erase this.
Like it never happened.
I just can't.

zoe.

2011-05-04T23:44:00.001+08:00

Have you ever heard your phone buzz and you are hoping its from someone you are just dying to talk to but before you check your phone you tell yourself, "nah it can't be him/her" just so that if it wasn't the person you were expecting you wouldn't get disappointed. And then when you check your phone, it's the person you are expecting ! Sucha win.

Yes, I psycho myself like that to avoid unnecessary sadness

Zoe.

Wake up.

2011-05-04T17:23:00.001+08:00

I've done my fair share of mistakes.
I've regretted many.
Some mistakes I regret more than the others.
I'm not proud of the mistakes I've made.
there's nothing to be proud of them.
I did learn from my mistakes though.
So, they didn't actually go to waste.
People are made of flaws.
People aren't God either.
So who are you to judge me for what I've done?
He has given me forgiveness.
I don't need to prove anything to you, or anyone for that matter.
If I were you, I'd worry about my own mistakes instead of others'.

zoe.

Reminisced

2011-05-03T14:19:00.002+08:00

Isn't it funny sometimes how things change so drastically in an instant.
All because of a slip of tongue?
Once you were the light to their world
and the next moment, you're worthless to them.
Just a load of baggage, burden they've been carrying around
and just couldn't wait to dispose.
It's a tragic event really.
Blows your self-esteem so bad you even begin to think yourself as worthless.
Tragic.
And this isn't funny. Why would I say its funny?

zoe.

Royal Wedding post

2011-05-02T14:53:00.000+08:00

So, like 2 billion other people in the world, I watched the Royal Wedding.
Kate's dress was alright.
Prince William should do something bout that balding head. So should Prince Harry.
Kate looked rather old on that day. She looked as though she lost quite a bit of weight. Not that she needed to. Maybe it was the pressure and stress.
James Middleton while giving his whatever speech looked like a hispanic butler with a crooked tie.
Philippa Middleton is just so slim ohmygoodness her body is just to die for.
Mama Middleton also had a spanking hot body. ugh, i'm so ashamed of myself.
The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom's wife also failed to wear a hat during the wedding but she has got a nice bum I tell you. hahaha
Prince William & Kate were standing on the wrong sides the whole time.
And, (based on the picture) why they wear their socks before their pants? AND LOOK AT PRINCE HARRY'S BODY. OH MY GOODNESS SO SEXY.

zoe.

11o'clock dilemma

2011-04-30T11:49:00.001+08:00

You are my happy thought.
That fairy dust at the end of the day to make the whole day magical despite how bad it's been.
Such a caring person.
I dont know what to do.
What should I do?

zoe.

My intentions are to brag

2011-04-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

on the 21st of april 2011 ( well kinda obvious since the photo is dated ) I went for Justin Bieber's concert with 2 lovely ladies

and the concert was just awesome. I'm no Belieber but, when Justin Bieber appeared on stage i couldn't stop screaming and shouting like a Belieber. The stadium was filled with 17thousand people okay. 17thousand.
I don't care if its "just Justin Bieber" I mean, DUDE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS JUST JUSTIN BIEBER. IF YOU'RE 17 AND AS WELL ESTABLISHED AS BIEBER IS, ok this argument is invalid but i'm pretty sure none of us have any sort of establishment whatsoever so yeah. let's just hand it to him yeah?

Not to mention, Joel Madden made a guest appearance :)

Anyways as for friday and sunday. did nothing much. had a pretty monotonous day as usual. but sunday. ahaa, easter day. it was spectacular i must say for my own personal reasons which as much as i'd like to, will not elaborate any further. tho, i will not hesitate to if you ask ;)
so yeah, sunday was great! went out with ze gang. had lunch at asia cafe, walked across the street to snowflake, had our cold desert in the heat with the longkang aroma. yes. had good laughs, as always :)
headed to sunway to watch never say never but then tak sempat so what did we do? KARAOKE OFCOURSE :- )
Finally got that dose of karaoke-ing after being long delayed. screamed like nobody's business. i guess it's pretty safe to say that 85% of the songs we sang, we screamed. haha. they were all mostly screamo songs. and no i don't mean screamo as in Alesana scream ( ok idk why I mentioned Alesana but they're all I can think of right now ) but powerful singing such as songs by Leona Lewis, Celine Dion and whoever else. but we did have some screamo by Linkin Park, Hoobastank. haha. we pretty much screamed to everything la.

"Eh this song don't scream la"
"This song oso cannot scream"
"Aiya you all every song also can scream wan"
( You all referring to me and my 3 gurlitas. haha screaming is our forte )
- Darren

And I also found out, that karma has been doing my dirty work for me, keeping my hands clean ; )
I may have felt as though I was at lost at the beginning of this.
I may have looked immature but I just found out that I am not at lost at all. In fact, I'm winning :)
I didn't lose anything, instead I gained maturity. well, slightly :p
Only you can't see that cuz well, you're still immature and you never change.
This brought me non-stop laughter.
I'm so happy I can't contain it :}

zoe.

Dirt & Glitter

2011-04-20T17:56:00.000+08:00

zoe.

Don't just say I do

2011-04-19T13:07:00.000+08:00

So, in the past week I went for Bruno Mars' concert & went to Penang with ma buds :)

It was a fun 2 days 2 nights with em'.

Looking forward to more!

5 hours in the bus was just krazy.

Had our sleep and after we were revived, haha the crazy shots started.

Its always good to take some time off and just go crazy with a bunch of people haha.

Good friends are blessings in our life which should not go unappreciated.

It was good to be on holiday before I had to come back and snap back to reality.

I know i'm not stduying/working what reality I meant was, the stuff I left behind here temporarily.

Oh well, memories like these will definitely last, I hope ;)

Maybe we should go to Genting next time!? :B

It was a fun filled, full of laughter trip.

The only thing we didn't do was go crazy in the karaoke room :(

zoe.

2011-04-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

You know, when it comes to making decisions, sometimes you have to make decide them based on whats the right thing to do or whats the wiser thing to do and you gotta put the outcome to consideration too.
Not all the time we just make decision based on the "CUZ I CAN!!!" attitude. its kinda dumb actually? no? (youre dumb then. lol)
But like, yeah sometimes it might seem like the funner thing to do (yes im aware i said funner) but have you ever though of the consequence? u know?
In example, a friend offers you drugs. he/she tells you how good it feels like to be high and see unicorns and pixies and fairies.
SO WHAT? YOU JUST DO DRUGS "CUZ I CAN!!!" ? no you dont you moron.
Or a friend asks you to kill your science teacher cuz stabbing a person you loathe numerous times with give you that rush of adrenaline not even dirt bikes can give you.
THEN WHAT? YOU DO IT "CUZ I CAN!!!" ? no right. don't wana end up in prison right?
ok. then you might say. "aiya, these kinda things i know la i cannot do so i wont do. not that stupid duh~"
yeah sure. how bout the little things tho they maybe just little, things.
like, a tiny white lie which you think won't harm anyone
or idk whatever else that tempts our teenage minds.
but yeah.
having a carefree attitude towards everything isn't the wisest thing to do.
letting go once in a while AND avoiding doing anything dumb is all good.
but yeah.
just think before you act.
and i mean really, think.

zoe.

Ripped Tee

2011-04-05T00:18:00.000+08:00

You know what? I've realised something.
Most blogs I read, they're blogging about a loss of a friendship / blogging bout people
its somewhere along those lines. but its generally about people / a person.
looks like we're all going through some people issues huh ?

I always contemplate on talking to you first.
but when I do and i get a reply, its all worth it :)

zoe.

Where did the prize go?

2011-04-04T14:03:00.003+08:00

We really need to appreciate things more.
Especially when they're around and not after we've lost it.

I feel like going for a vacation.
I know I've been practically "vacationing" for 3 months coming to 4 now but,
i mean a proper vacation in a different country.
I'll be going to US in a few months, or so I hope.
But before I taste the sweet goodness I have to be cut & dipped in salt water first. (I'm talking about going for NS)
My friend told me to go there with an open heart and I'll enjoy it.
But, it's hard to go with an open heart seeing what it did to me even before I went.
I've already this grudge on NS how to go with an open heart?
Unless, what had happened to me miraculously gets undone then . . .
I hope when I go what had become undone wouldn't become done again O.o
okay whatever. I'm making no sense.
haha moving on now.

I had a tremendous time with my family last weekend! :D
Not to mention the amount of durian I consumed within 4 days :O
I had durian on Thursday, Saturday & Sunday
and twice on saturday! after lunch AND dinner :S
I can't help it.
Durian is too good.
I wouldn't mind a few more round this week ;)
OMG. NOW I FEEL LIKE EATING MORE DURIAN.
how can anyone not like durian ? its just insane.
you're missing out on a very delicious part of life.

zoe.

Why do you wana touch the sky?

2011-04-03T00:53:00.002+08:00

well, i guess desperation & the lack of attention can really push someone to do something annoying and well really, desperate.
ofcourse, ehm. i should know best right? ;)
ha ha.
whatever. anyways, my relatives are in town for the weekend.
my granduncle + grandaunt from singapore
and my granduncle + grandaunt + 2 of their 3 kids from brunei
all for qing ming.

i remember one year, my singapore uncle was getting married
so, the whole family went down to singapore!
my whole family, my grandparents, my brunei uncle's entire family, my klang aunt and her kids which totals up to 15 foreigners + 2 locals all living under a 4 bedroom apartment in Singapore.
actually, 3 cuz one of the room has been turned into a storeroom.
but yeah. i remembered sleeping all over the house. wherever i could find a space. lol
slept in the room, in the hall, on the couch on the floor. haha. twas all good.
though a lot of drama happened behind closed doors. and i mean literally.

i remember another year my aunty from new zealand + her 2 kids came down to malaysia for holiday!
and we all went to singapore again. haha. i love singapore :)
so it was, me, my mum, my 2 brothers, 2 cousin sisters, aunt + 2 kids, and my klang aunty all under one roof again. haha. was really fun.
i love moments like those. where evyone just squishes together :D

good times. i love my family, i do :) and i really appreciate them
i have over-caring grandaunts, granduncles & grandparents.
its become a good tradition of spending the ENTIRE nov-jan with them. really.

zoe.

You're killin' me

2011-04-01T16:45:00.000+08:00

ehhh, not saying don't sacrifice it all for anyone
just, don't sacrifice it all for someone who ain't worth it.
now, the hard part is ;
knowing who on earth is the right one!?

zoe

Maybe another lifetime

2011-03-31T22:58:00.003+08:00

in this world we're living
some folks say the worst of us they can,
but when we're dead and in our caskets,
they always slip some lilies in our hand.
wont you give me flowers while i'm living?

zoe.

A thought before I slept last night

2011-03-30T11:05:00.001+08:00

hmm,
sometimes
some feelings just never leave you.
you know why ?
well, here's my maybe theory.
maybe its cuz you don't let those feelings out
you just bottle them all up inside.
you never let anything out.
so all the feelings just keep building.
building on top one another
till you've got a skyscraper of feelings you just don't want.
or maybe you do let it out.
but its not to the person you want to let it out to.
you may not have a skyscraper
but you still have an ocean of that feeling inside you.

it's good to let things out every now and then.

so, please just forgive me for my outbursts and emotional tweets :)

zoe.

501th or 501st? o.O

2011-03-29T22:07:00.002+08:00

omg, I've hit my 500th post! this calls for a celebration.
*boom confetti everywhere.
ok.
my previous post was the 500th not this one.
anyways this post was supposed to be only 2 sentences long like how i've planned it in my mind
but err, change of plans :P

anyways,

i've got a second job! yay. actually, i got 2 second jobs.
so all in all i have 3 jobs now.
omgosh im crazy.
see la, gila mencari rezeki
mengejar duit akibatnya begini :p
anyways, gonna drop 1 job la ofcourse. crazy ah.
think i no need sleep?
THINK AGAIN.
working 1 job tomorrow
and another job officially starts next week Monday.
yeayy ~
money come, money come

zoe.

Don't wana give up

2011-03-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

"Sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

Is such nonsense. I mean really.
Words will never hurt me?
WORDS
WILL NEVER
HURT ME?
That is pure and utter bull !
Ok. First of all.
I think the main cause for all psychological problem such as depression & suicide and whatever not
okay maybe not all but most psychological problems are because of WORDS.
ok. something someone told them causing pressure or dismay or more pressure whatever.
and most of the common reasons for breakdowns are because of what someone else said about you.
be it behind your back, to your face, or indirectly or it was meant as a joke. it still somehow in a way,
HURTS YOU.
though not everything might hurt you
but dude, words still do hurt do matter how much you'd like to deny it.
I don't know how can anyone come up with such a quote.
And I don't know how you can actually to relate it.
Please, tell me.
If anyone of you has NEVER gotten hurt by any words.
Parents scold, u get hurt. Right?
Teacher scold, also u get hurt. Right?
Boyf/Girlf say something, you get offended. HENCE, HURT.
Friend call you fat, you get hurt.
Friend call you ugly, you get hurt.
Someone say you not smart enough, you get hurt.
Whatever la.
The tongue is a very powerful weapon hence, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
Yes,that one I can relate to.
But words will never hurt me?
Uh-uh. No.

zoe.

2011-03-26T14:33:00.001+08:00

at the end of the worrrrllddd,
or the last thing i seeee,
you are never coming home never coming home
never coming home.
could iiiiiiii?
should iiiiii?

zoe.

2011-03-26T13:16:00.000+08:00

you just have to karaoke to this song.

YOU JUST HAVE TO SILENT SCREAM IT.

or scream it. whichever suits your surroundings

i'm silent screaming to it now!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AT MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSS,

YOU'RE KILLING ME KILLING ME

ALLLLLLLLL I WANTED WASSSSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~

zoe

Su-per Sexy

2011-03-25T21:46:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone ! :)
So, its Friday already. the last time i blogged properly with words was on Wednesday.
oh no wait, Thursday. ! hahaha
oh well, i feel like blogging again today ! :D
Soyeah.
Went to Sunway Pyramid twice in a row. haha :B
Had a lunch date with Dom yesterday. not a date as in datingdating ah
a date as in someone to have lunch with. okay. haha.
ate at an over-priced mamak opposite sunway then couldn't resist to not enter sunway pyramid.
it was like calling me.
"zoeeee, zoeeeee, come in and buy somethingggggg"
So i did go in and buy something -.-
bought 2 pairs of earrings at Diva : )
today went to Sunway Uni to enquire about college stuff.
asking them bout this and that yeaaaaah.
HAD MCDONALD'S FOR BREAKFAST AGAIN.
omg :'(
i think i should refrain myself from eating fastfood for the next 2 months atleast ?
yeah anyways. went to pyramid after.
bought a dress at Forever 21.
i dont know what for.
really.
i just
bought it.
bad.
BADDDDDDDDD.
haha bye:)

zoe.

2011-03-24T23:02:00.003+08:00

Yundi Li playing Chopin Nocturne In B Flat Minor Op.9 No.1 just makes me :' )

zoe.

Black & Green

2011-03-24T18:26:00.001+08:00

So, on the 23rd of November 2010 was my dad's 47th birthday
it was also the first day of SPM
and yesterday, the 23rd of March 2011 was the day I got my SPM results.
I'm quite surprised and very thankful for what I got actually.
Seeing all the drama that happened and the amount of time people spend studying, I spent sleeping and watching Glee and Gossip Girl and whatever nonsense there was on tv. haha
I'm glad going for that 2 and a half hour long BM tuition classes paid off sweetly.
My science subjects are just pathetic really. hahaha.
Didn't even sit for Bio paper.
Got a D for physics omg :O
and a C+ for Chemistry. I was expecting a B. oh well.
I got a B for sejarah! like omg. hahaha. I never gotten a B for sejarah for all i remember.
The last time I remember getting a B for sejarah was for my March test when I was form3 :p
Got an A for moral, literature and maths. LIKE FINALLY. ahh.
In your face pn Hashireen. For all the times you "zoe tannnnnn kenape cakap banyak sangat" "zoe tannnnnnn kenapa asyik nak tidooooo je" "zoe tannnnnnnnnnnnnn kenapa tk buat homeworkkkkkk" ZOMG-.-
and vimala. ugh. for being sucha ughhh~ FINALLY GOT AN A- FOR MY LITERATURE.
and Moral. you pn pn err, puan what ah. puan i cant remember yr name but. hahaha. you never gave me an A for Moral. eeee, used to get A's in form4 then suddenly, form 5. C C C C C C C.
soyeah puassss dapat A.
Got an A for english and bm too, ofcourse ; )
and 1A for english 1119 hehe
saya amatlah bersyukur kepada Tuhan untuk results saya. walaupun cuma 5 A.
tapi aku tak la berusaha banyak sangat so, bagus la 5 A :)

Oh, and my poem got featured in the school magazine! haha
for the first time ever. wow !
it was actually an assignment given by our Literature teacher.
haha. weee ~

zoe.

I'm in pieces

2011-03-21T15:30:00.001+08:00

We all feel sad once in a while.
For some of us more often then others
Most of the times we're sad cuz we just can't help it.
We let every little thing just disappoint us because but only because the little things are what actually matters the most.
Sometimes we feel sad cuz we just make our own self sad.
We inflict the sadness on ourselves.
How?
We linger in the things that made us sad once upon a time.
We linger, we ponder, we analyse, think think think.
Then we start regretting. "if i were to have done it differently, maybe things wouldn't have gone bad"
Its actually a bunch of bollocks when I see people say that "Live with no regrets" or "I never regretted a decision I've made because it has made me who I am today"
well, I have something to say to you.
"A fool learns from his own mistakes but a wise man learns from the fool's mistakes"
How can you not regret the decisions you've made? Yeah sure it's made you stronger & you've learnt from it but, I'm not one to say I don't regret the decisions & mistakes I've done.
I regret doing alot of things. And if there was a chance to undo them, I wouldn't let that slip.
Alot of things in life make me sad. A lot of things that I've done. A lot of things that have happened because I said something without thinking about it, doing things cuz it seemed like fun but yeah. I wish I was much wiser at that time. Not to say I am right now but yeaaahhh.
2010 was one hell of a year for me and I'm not meaning that in any good way at all.
It was terrible. Again, many mistakes more serious than others.
I do wish I could turn back time or even erase 2010 if I could.
Nothing good came out of it, nothing.

I just miss certain people I've lost in my life.
Lost not meaning they died but lost as in,
we were once so close & now we're strangers.

zoe.

Oh Shugah!

2011-03-21T00:56:00.002+08:00

People hate each other.
For all sorts of reasons.
Minimal, major. Whatever.
But you see, people who hate just haven't reached a certain maturity
and a certain sense of realization that life really is, too short to hate.
I mean like, yeah she may have stolen your boyfriend, or he may have broken your heart
or some one may have talked about you behind your back -.- but whatever.
Just forgive them la. I'm not saying don't get pissed off at them but like,
get pissed off at them. Deal with it then, forgive them la.
EVEN THOUGH, IT'S CLEARLY THEIR FAULT, BUT THEY'RE BLAMING YOU FOR IT
just still, forgive them.
You'd feel much better about yourself.
I know I do whenever I forgive a person.
Even though he/she is still hating my guts for no apparent reason and its clearly his/hers fault.
But yeah, it just gives me a peace of heart that I've forgiven the person you know?
I mean when you hate someone there is just all that negativity inside you, even worse when someone brings up the topic about him/her. I'm sure you catch my drift right?
So basically, morale of the story : H8ers gon be h8in on ya, just dont be h8in on ya h8ers ;)

however, i never said i don't find some people superbly irrating and i don't feel like slapping them and slicing them to little tiny pieces but
5,4,3 my anger is in a purple balloon and im letting it go.....
;)

zoe.

Rolling in the deep

2011-03-19T22:41:00.001+08:00

I don't need anyone who brings me down.

I don't need anyone who is a bad influence to me.

I don't need anyone who doesn't appreciate me.

I don't need anyone who gives up on me.

I don't need anyone who like you.

Have a nice life.

You'll definitely miss me.

zoe.

32nd day

2011-03-15T12:28:00.001+08:00

how do you deal with letting go of something irreplaceable ?

zoe.

Promotion post

2011-03-10T22:33:00.001+08:00

Click on the link. It's wrong if you don't :)

http://dulcieandbanana.blogspot.com/

zoe.

2011-03-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you have to let go of good things to let better things come to you :)
though it hurts and you don't wana let go of that good thing, you just have to.
or else you'd just end up with second best forever. who wants that.

zoe

Blue Valentine

2011-03-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

"You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all

You always take the sweetest rose

And crush it until the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart

With a hasty word you can't recall

And If I broke your heart last night

It's because I love you most of all"

Au Revoir, Février

2011-03-01T20:34:00.006+08:00

So, yesterday was a good day as I can say.

It was my last day of work @ the kindie and I went out with my girlfriends for a birthday celebration! :D

A goooood and long day.

I'm definitely gonna miss the 4year olds. Ken, Hiro, Ryan, Hadif, Shaqeel, Aydan, Arif, Jay & Yong Xin even though they drove me tired to the core e-ve-ry single day I was in that classroom. And not forgetting a few of the 5 year olds like Zoe Lai, Cherry Seow, Harsha, Farril and Arif. And a few of the 6 year olds I know like Lara, Danial and Julian. Oh well, going back there tomorrow to collect my pay cheque so yeah. hahah get to see them one more time!

haha anyways, after we, kak Joanna and I got back from school we baked cupcakes for the birthday girl. aww, SO SWEET OF US. then did some other random stuff till like 8pm (what did we do for so long o.O) then we went to Sunway Pyramid, yet again. hahaha. Dined at the Rainforest Bistro and it costs a bomb and the food sucks so yeah. Literally a bomb cuz they charged 10.95 for coke. dude ? and the carbonara was like, watery. Had an old fashioned burger and it was alright.mm. stayed there till like 1230? yeah. go here and there for a lil while. 1am finally got home!

LONG LONG DAY I TELL U. hahaha and today was a productive day too! :)

Kak joanna stayed over ma crib and we had McDonald's for breakfast.

SAUSAGE MCMUFFIN WITH EGG, HASHBROWN AND ICE COLD MILO. RAAAAR, YUMMY!

hahah then after that we took some photos for our upcoming project heheheh :) well, thats all.

WAS SO TIRED AFTER THAT SO I NAPPED.

AND NOW I AM GOING TO WATCH GOSSIP GIRL.

zoe.

Fading

2011-02-27T22:18:00.004+08:00

zoe.

Chopin Scherzo No. 2 Op. 31

2011-02-27T15:20:00.002+08:00

So, I thought I wouldn't be able to go through it

Ofcourse, with my own strength I couldn't.

But I think I've gone through it.

And I survived it.

And came out of it, better & stronger and also wiser.

Well, its another new chapter of life, yet again.

I don't know how excited I am about it. About change.

Not to say that I wouldn't miss that old chapter and I was glad it ended but, change is inevitable and I'm not God to erase mistakes or turn back time.

Oh well, lets see where life takes me huh?

zoe.

9 and 1/4's

2011-02-22T20:58:00.003+08:00

Now I know how the kids feel like when they're crying and screaming their lungs out when their mummy has to leave them at school.

"i want mummy, i want mummy"

now whenever i see them, i feel like crying too

zoe.

Hot sweets

2011-02-20T00:43:00.004+08:00

can i ? really? can i?

can i do this alone ?

can i bear all this alone ?

no i can't but its okay

thats why i have Yundi Li <3

zoe.

2011-02-15T21:13:00.003+08:00

climbed up Broga Hill this morning.

The view was beautiful.

I guess there was only one thing missing.

zoe.

A bid Adieu

2011-02-13T14:31:00.003+08:00

"I dreamt that i was sinking, and sinking. And there was no one to save me. And then I woke up, I could still feel it. As though there were gallons of water on top of me and the pressure pushing me further down. I was sinking into the bed. And there was no one to save me. No one. "

zoe

1Malaysia

2011-02-12T10:31:00.013+08:00

Are you as 1Malaysia as I am?

Definitely not. I have friends from ALL races okay.

I have friends who are Punjabi, Malay, Indian & Chinese.

All or some, whatever. Malaysian politicians, you guys promote 1Malaysia, 1Malaysia.

Dude, we were already 1Malaysia before you came up with that concept. We were all fine even before that concept. The only people who weren't and still aren't practicing that concept is you policitians.

‎"A well-known Islamic motivator on local tv networks, Siti Nor Bahyah said on an RTM programme last week tht "immoral activities, partying & unmarried couples associating in private are traditions of da Christian community". She is said to have made the remarks in her bid to discourage Muslim youth frm celebrating Valentine's Day.

I mean, what the hell is that? Seriously. Don't get me started on how many Malays go to clubs and drink and do drugs and have sex before marriage but then again, it'd be unfair to them because theyre not the only people in the world doing that right? So yeah. It doesn't mean that just because you know a bunch of Malay youths caught in the wrong thing, ALL MALAYS ARE BAD. True? You can't judge a whole race or community just based on those bunch of youths. It would just do that race/community injustice.

Same goes to you Siti Nor Bahyah. Maybe you've seen a few Chinese people doing immoral activities and you've mistaken them for Christians or maybe you didn't cuz while those Christians(according to you) were doing immoral activites you went up to them and asked them, "Are you Christian?" Sigh.

It really frustrates me when all the politicians make statements that insult some other race/religion. If you people don't practice what you preach, how do you expect your nation to follow suit? Come on, we don't really care what race our friends are. We don't outcast a certain race nor is there division between races in school or wherever else. I think the division is between you politicians.

Also, what is so wrong withe celebrating Valentine's Day? Really. I'd like to know. It doesn't mean when u celebrate valentine's day you go out and do all sorts of immoral stuff. Whatever. That is between you and your race. Don't link it to Christianity or whatever. You might as well just say that people who are non-Muslim aren't allowed to celebrate any Muslim festives and non-Chinese can't celebrate Chinese festives and so on.

What a load of crap. Are you even thinking before you make such statements? You politicians boast on how many races can live together in harmony which is true, but then, why are you going round making statements like these which can raise tensions among everyone?

Ahhh. ridiculous. I am more 1Malaysia than the politicians. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

zoe.

Honey & Lemon

2011-02-11T13:52:00.003+08:00

less than half the Tan family for CNY dinner at my house this year.

quite unfortunate actually. i miss the gambling! though we did gamble but, it wasn't quite as fun as last year's.

the picture was taken right before we YEE SANG! haha

had a major feast that day! i'd show u a picture but....im too lazy. lol

so anyways, i'm disliking the blackberry. seriously. it has taken 13rm away from me in just 3 days.

im furious.

i still haven't gotten my pay yet. very unhappy about that.

raaar, want money!

kinda excited to drive! haha. needa find proper shoes though. wore my crocs to my first class and crocs didn't really help with the whole clutch situation. really. it just made things worse cuz the crocs just made it harder for me to release the clutch slowly so mati enjin countless times. haha though its also my fault la no experience what. but whatever! ahhaha need to wear different shoes. okay.

honestly don't feel like furthering my studies. heh.

obviously, mum not gonna let la right. pfft. but then. arghh.

heh. need to discuss this with mum.

i feel like buying more shoes & bags now.

zoe.

Alone.

2011-02-10T15:01:00.006+08:00

gimme my money -.- its been 3 weeks already.

i had 40rm in my wallet the other day and now i have.....i dont even wana know -.-

this sucks.

give

money!

need a new job. seriously.

GONNA GET MY 'L' NEXT WEEK.

i drove a manual car for the first time yesterday!

not easy -.-

passed my computer test the first time i took it!

okay bye.

zoe.

complainhere.com

Post-shower

Before sleep

Monday.

Loco Business

Do titles even matter ?

Jibber Jabber

High for this

3 cheers to letdown

7th of Dec

*boom*

Oh liberaté, mi amor

Something at the top of my head

Why you stop my party

Home alone Saturday

Endeavouring

Louis & Keely

And yet another Goodbye

For all we know

3am thoughts

Ramblings

I thought it was You and I

24 hours

31st of July - supposedly to a new beginning

Okay

Nothing feels right here

Durian

Cheating

SPREADING LOVE N FABULOSITY.

Persistency

Racism

Poison Paradise

In Cold Blood, Capote pg 189

In Cold Blood, Capote pg 147

I hate Facebook

Beyond confuzzled

Espiazone

Boys.

Just me & you

B-O-O-T-Y

Happy as a Happy Meal

Ghetto

Frozen grapes

everything becomes a doozy.

Chink

Sandboxed

My dear

Got it, savvy?

Don't forget me, I beg

I'm not actually supposed to be here

I need a doctor

Wake up.

Reminisced

Royal Wedding post

11o'clock dilemma

My intentions are to brag

Dirt & Glitter

Don't just say I do

Ripped Tee

Where did the prize go?

Why do you wana touch the sky?

You're killin' me

Maybe another lifetime

A thought before I slept last night

501th or 501st? o.O

Don't wana give up

Su-per Sexy

Yundi Li playing Chopin Nocturne In B Flat Minor Op.9 No.1 just makes me :' )

Black & Green

I'm in pieces

Oh Shugah!

Rolling in the deep

32nd day

Promotion post

Blue Valentine

Au Revoir, Février

Fading

Chopin Scherzo No. 2 Op. 31

9 and 1/4's

Hot sweets

boom